Social Intelligence

Social intelligence - I'd say I do not know how to define it even I wrote a post about it. I've got a few social setbacks recently back in Hong Kong and I desperately want to improve my "social intelligence" - a book that I saw on the self-help section of a book store. I haven't bought it yet since there're too much self-helps these days that I wouldn't risk my money on this one book I happened to see among many other books which were also focused on the same topic. Well, how do I know about "social intelligence" is the right thing for me? Well, it just sounds right!

Later I came across a book with a similar topic, "How to Win Friends and Influence People". I read a few parts to just know if it's the right book for me. Well, I hesitated. Yeah, the whole concept about being tolerant of others and don't argue with your friends to win your friend's agreement is a bit "too coward" or just simply "not right" for me. I know if you're doing business then you should be able to see the whole picture (and that is, the result) and not let your emotions interfere with the business. But in a purely friendship situaion, should we do the same? What do we want from a friendship? To show that we're not alone or even popular? Or to find ones (though may not be a lot) who we can communicate with honesty and still care for each other; can share the joy with and also sadness/burden?

Few days ago, I got a "friend" who stood me up few days before told me I shouldn't be disappointed by her/her kinds of people because I didn't have a great social life in Australia anyway (and now I'm in HK for holiday). Well, suddenly I asked myself wasn't it HER problem that she failed for the gathering but why she thought that I was the one to blame? It also sounded like I was a sad little person to her because I didn't get drunk every night with "friends" (which was also her glamerous reason to stand me up).

Well, I have every good reason to just to ignore this person because one, she did not know me at all but thought she did, very well. Two, we were never really close friends but only mates in uni studying the same subject. And almost 90% of the time I'd see her was she got problems with her studies and asked me to help her. Three, she insulted me to cover her own mistake and even made her the right one and I the wrong. What kind of person was that???

I hated it more was when I really questioned myself, "am I a terrible person (and have low social intelligence) so people stood me up? (I've been stood up twice this week)". My other friend comforted me, "I didn't understand why she (my ill friend) thought meeting friends are "social?" (What she meant was the term "social" is only used when we meet people we know but not too close, while close friends won't "social" each other). I was so surprised to hear it from my friend becuase we have been really close friends for many years and this wasn't just comforting but also showed how my friend saw me as a really good friend.

Then again, I asked myself, I had a good boyfriend who really cared about me. A few close friends who would want to know how I did and asked me out every year I came back. A loving and caring family. And her? Well I didn't really know her much other than a drunkard... But I knew her personality well enough to say that she was a selfish and ill-hearted person, that not many people would want to be close with her. I didn't care how many "friends" she got and how many "party nights" she had, that's just not what I want in my life. So, piss off. Don't try to evaluate my social life with your distorted concept of friendship and sociality. One example, I'm "socialing" with you but you can never be my friend.