It's been an emotional journey for me in the past two days. Lessons learned:
1. Don't listen to your friends sometimes, despite however good intention they have. They aren't you and don't know what exactly you've been through. You, and only you, could make the decision for yourself.
2. Sometimes you make the decision and you feel dreadful afterwards and you start to doubt yourself whether or not you've made a wrong choice. THINK CAREFULLY. Has the pain interfered with your mind? Have you chosen the rare and unsafe route that normal people wouldn't dare to and a sudden thought of failing and losing more than you already have has crept into your mind? Or have you really made a wrong choice?
In my case, and I've thought very carefully, that I've made a painful and difficult choice. I've made a bad choice but a right one - right, according to my heart. Most people would choose the easy way - well, it seems easier anyway although life wouldn't end easy just because of an easy choice you've made - and I too wanted to choose it, and am still attempted to choose it, but I'm resisting. It is heart-breaking, but it seems the right thing to do.
I wouldn't say here what it is because it's too complicated. I've never had such a dilemma in my life that just drains every bits out of you every day. It is depressing and exhausting. My point is (yes, please bear with me, I know it's the 3rd paragraph already), don't, don't, don't set boundaries to yourself because you've been told to do certain things at a certain age supposedly in life. Don't easily give up on your interpretation of life and your way of living life, however people called you an idiot or loser. Don't follow the paths of the majority - no matter how lonely and rough the path you choose would lead you - if your heart tells you this is it.
3. Learn to embrace your vulnerability. It's the acceptance of your imperfectness gives you space walking towards perfection.
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